How Grimes Learned To Make Coffee So Damn Good
by Ryn Turner
Summary: Well, they dont have a category for Black Hawk Down, so i'm putting it in here, Crossovers. The title explains everything.
1. Luck?

How Grimes Learned To Make Coffee So Damn Good 

*Hey everyone! This is a story about how Grimes learned to make coffee so good. Sorry if I get any military terms wrong, i'm not in the army and im not american, so im sorry if im a little off. I hope you'll enjoy the story!* 

At a recruiting office... 

Some officer: So you want to be a solider, do ya son? 

Grimes(twiddling his thumbs nervously): Yes sir. 

Some officer: What are your talents, boy? 

Grimes: I don't really know... 

Some officer: Okay then, what do you want to do in the Army then? 

Grimes: I don't know... 

Some Officer: Okay, then we'll run you through the test. Lieutenant Marshall will take you to the tracks. 

Grimes: To do what? 

Some Officer (becoming exasperated): To shoot chickens with a rubber pistol!! To run, you idiot. Go! 

(At the running track) 

Lt. Marshall: Okay, we're gonna see how many laps you can run in five minutes. Ready...Set...Go! 

(Grimes starts running, but proceeds to trip on his shoelaces. He falls flat on his face, as 

Lt. Marshall jogs over.) 

Lt. Marshall: Are you alright? 

Grimes (with a mouthful of dirt): I'm fine. Gravel broke my fall. 

Lt. Marshall: Okay. You ready? 

(Grimes nods.) 

Lt. Marshall: Go! 

(This time, Grimes gets safely past the start line and proceeds to run around the track. The five minutes slowly passes by...) 

Lt. Marshall: Time's up, Grimes. You've set a new record! 

Grimes (panting heavily): I have? 

Lt. Marshall: Yep...for the first recruit to ever only do half a lap in five minutes! 

Grimes: Oh...(passes out from exhaustion) 

Lt. Marshall: Oh god... 

The next day, at the next test site... 

Lt. Marshall: Today, we're gonna see your accuracy in shooting with a rifle. Can you handle that? 

Grimes: Yes sir. 

(Lt. Marshall gives Grimes the gun, mentally kicking himself for giving this idiot a gun. 

He then points out to Grimes the target, then moves back, faaaaarrrr back.) 

Lt. Marshall: Fire! 

(Grimes takes aim, then fires. Everyone awaits the the sound of the bullet hitting the target. Nothing happens.) 

Lt. Marshall: What the hell...? 

(He is interupted by a yell. He turns around to see a maintenance guy on the ground.) 

Maintenance guy: Ahh shit! 

Lt. Marshall: What happened? 

Maintenance guy: I've been shot... 

Lt. Marshall: Oh god. 

(He walks over to where Grimes is still kneeling on the ground.) 

Lt. Marshall: Get up. 

Grimes: What? 

Lt. Marshall: How the HELL did you manage to shoot someone 50 feet behind you?!?! 

Grimes: Luck? 

Lt. Marshall: ARGHHH!!!! Get back to your barracks, you idiot. We'll finish your testing tomorrow... 

*Well, whatta think? Should I continue it? Tell me please!*


	2. OH MY GOD IM GONNA DIE!

__

Next day... 

(Grimes is sitting in a classroom, while Lt. Marshall is standing at a chalkboard.) 

Lt. Marshall: Alright, what is 4+4? 

(Grimes starts waving madly, even though he's the only recruit.) 

Lt. Marshall (sighing): Yes Grimes? 

Grimes (smiling proudly): 9! 

(Lt. Marshall slaps his own forehead.) 

Lt. Marshall: No, try again... 

(They soon go through another 20 numbers before Grimes finally reaches 8...) 

Lt. Marshall (VERY annoyed): What was the last grade you passed, Grimes? 

Grimes (counting on his fingers): 8! 

Lt. Marshall: Ok then, I'm guessing that you won't really be able to do any math or science.... I don't really know what to do with you, Grimes. 

Grimes: Does this mean I can't be in the army? 

Lt. Marshall: No... but I need to find something that you're good at. Let's go over to the battle simulation. 

At the battle simulation site... 

Lt. Marshall: Grimes, you're gonna have to run through this simulation without getting shot. The bullets are really just tiny paintballs, and the grenades shoot paint. I wanna see if you can get through this simulation without getting completely painted. 

Grimes: Can I dodge the bullets? 

Lt. Marshall: Of course you dumbass! Go! 

(Grimes walks of into the artificial battle grounds, strolling into the path of fire.) 

Grimes: Ow! I've been shot! What do I do now?! 

Lt. Marshall (from the sidelines): You dodge the bullets, just like you asked me! 

Grimes: Right... 

(Lt. Marshall is waiting patiently at the end. A very colourful Grimes runs up) 

Lt. Marshall: Well, Grimes, once again you've managed to set a record. 

Grimes: I have?! 

Lt. Marshall: Yeah. You're the first recruit ever to be hit by every single bullet and grenade in that simulation! 

Grimes: Oh. Is that good? 

Lt. Marshall: No!!!! That's the worst display of 'dodging' that I've ever seen! You 

wouldn't last ten seconds in a real battlefield! 

Grimes: OH MY GOD!!! 

Lt. Marshall (sighing): What is it now? 

Grimes: I'M BLEEDING!! JUST LOOK AT MY HANDS AND MY SHIRT!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!! 

Lt. Marshall: That's paint, you idiot!!! 

Grimes: Thank god.... (passes out again.) 

Lt. Marshall (rubbing his eyes): What the hell am I gonna do with you.... 

*Please R&R!!*


End file.
